Mary Ellen Markant, RN
Wagner College: B.S.
Columbia University Teachers College: M.Ed.
Stemming from a foundation in nursing education, a background in maternal health nursing with a focus on beginnings of life cycles evolved to a focus on life endings. A wellspring of information acquired during the past twenty years has enabled self-directed initiatives. Through an independent venture, Signature Sunsets, activities include presentations of community programs, online and sometimes in person, creation of resources, collaboration with relevant organizations, and hosting of discussion groups, including the launching of death cafes in Rochester, New York in 2014.
While addressing an extensive gamut of funerary matters, a variety of catalysts are utilized
to promote learning in a manner that cultivates comfort and generates interest as an impetus for personal engagement. Projects are punctuated by a penchant for novelty and use of creative approaches, including whimsical accents. Narrated photo-slideshows have become a hallmark style for presentations, based on a desire to enliven the end-of-life domain with images and color.
CONCEPT GERMINATION
Fertilization:
Being a high school principal's daughter was not always fun. As an active community leader, my dad (along with my mom) often felt obliged to visit dead people. Babysitters must have been hard to come by because I had to tag along to the funeral parlor. Invariably, I was planted on a seat within view of people milling around and commenting about how good the corpse looked. What were they thinking?
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As an impressionable child, I observed and cogitated. The usual scenario was yucky! Did it have to be this way? It was dark with those ugly amber and dimly lit so-called funeral parlor lights flanking the casket, casting more gloom than glow... dreary with everyone morosely bereft of their usual smiles and speaking in hushed monotones... austere with the funeral directors standing solemnly (being sure to assume a stagnant posture with hands folded) when not robotically animated... plain and lifeless with everyone garbed in tragic black... and always the same monotonous scene every time I was there.
Development:
Apparently, the rebel in me was activated by these disgruntled observations during formative years. By the time my dad died, diversity governed arrangements. The celebration of life that was planned and implemented for burial of his cremated remains and commemorative events could not be described as funereal or ordinary. The occasion took place a few months after his death, so by then I had digested the reality of loss and was able to become energetically ensconced in preparations.
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It was a memorial weekend chock full of activities that highlighted my dad's background and characteristics. Family and friends gathered on the campus of his alma mater, Gettysburg College in Pennsylvania, which was within driving distance of his hometown of Freysville and his gravesite at a rural cemetery. How I wished our beloved patriarch could have been there to witness the commemorative activities that materialized! He would have been thrilled!
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Everything we did related to his life in relevant significance... Friday's dinner in a diner overlooking the train tracks that transported him to and from college... Saturday's committal service at the cemetery within view of the house where he was born... an ice cream social in the cozy cottage that had been his fraternity house... the twilight memorial service in a building designated for music and arts education... the dinner in a restaurant frequented by Eisenhower... the Gettysburg battlefield tour on Sunday (bespeaking my dad's original role as a history teacher)... and so much in between... through the tears, all joyfully reflected his individuality and our appreciation for his life.
Rumination:
Afterward, I realized that contemplation of future life endings could present opportunities for meaningful event planning. Since bereavement typically immobilizes creativity (and most everything else!), doesn't it make sense to initiate arrangements for one's own affairs rather than subjecting family members to woeful decision confrontations under pressure? Usually, events are conducted promptly after a death when a state of turmoil prevails. Wouldn't this be a valuable contribution to loved ones' emotional stability at a time when they are apt to feel weak and vulnerable? Why not enjoy the process of making decisions, suggesting ideas, and noting preferences while still engaged in life? Maybe preliminary participation would engender a sense of control and satisfaction that could make the prospect of life's inevitable ending a little less oppressive. And, ideally, involvement of family members could render it a collaborative initiative generating long-term fulfillment.
Activation:
So at the onset of this trajectory I gathered information and compiled a book covering a gamut of funeary matters in hopes of inspiring people
to address preplanning through this perspective. Since the subject of death generally is forsaken, I wrote and formatted this planning resource (no longer available) in an uncommon manner - interspersed with recreational distractions and whimsical flair to render the reading of it pleasantly palatable.
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Through online and occasionally in-person presentations, discussion sessions, and creation of resources, I am committed to awakening people from sleepy avoidance and indifference relative to end-of-life issues. I aim to stimulate awareness of possibilities for personalized approaches and affairs... with dreariness overpowered by colorful vigor. Funerary avenues can be enriching. And death affords opportunities for gratifying conclusions to life!
Many years ago, soon after my mother died following her progressive decline due to cancer, I found a newspaper clipping that she had left on a table, presumably intended for my family and me to see while she was still alive and suffering. It was a poem imploring the reader to take the hand of the writer who felt isolated and lonely on a desolate pathway.
I cried when I read it. I wondered if my mom had felt deserted on her pilgrimage toward death. Had I offered my hand to her in a manner that rendered solace? I’ll never know.
Although much time had passed, that recollection provided further incentive to share my knowledge and my compassion as a means of widespread support. The endeavor represents my way of extending my hand to anyone who would appreciate companionship in pondering emotional and practical issues relative to matters of death. So you are not alone. Along with others who have joined us for exploration in the
end-of-life arena, we are learners bound together by our mortality amid the wonder of life. ​​​​​​
I have assumed the role of a tour guide
along avenues leading to meaningful
endings marked by enrichment.
I invite you to join me for the journey
as we discover new horizons
and opportunities for memorable sunsets..
